keep calm and sparkle on.: the day life stood still.

on july 30th at 3:00am i received a phone call from one of my best friends, gracie mustin, saying that her mom was missing. they had been out riding 4-wheelers for the night and gracie had gone home earlier in the night but woke up to find her mom not there. gracie and someone else she had been out riding with went out looking for her and bo (that's who gracie's mom had been riding with). at 4:30am, just an hour and a half later i received a second phone call from gracie saying that she had found her mom dead. and right then my life had changed FOREVER! i heard the hurt, anger, sadness, and so many other emotions in my best friend that i had never heard before! instantly my heart was broken! broken for gracie, her family, and just the thought of what was to come next in gracie's life! i just couldn't even begin to put words together.

i went on to work the next morning, with such a heavy heart. i delivered the news to the store (gracie and i work together). it was so hard to smile that day, it really feels like i didn't live that day! everything from the 30th is a fog to me. but that's gracie's life everyday!

i texted gracie all day that saturday but just couldn't bring myself to go see her. i wasn't ready to face that yet plus i didn't have the words. i know she didn't need words, she just needed a friend. sunday july 31st i woke up and got ready to go spend the day with my best friend! i stopped at the store because i wanted to get her some bright flowers, they were beautiful i might add!! driving down highway 14, right in front of the wetumpka airport, going 55 mph...the car in front of me pulled over on the side of the road to give himself more room to make a u-turn in the middle of the highway and never saw me. i put my left hand on my horn, i wanted him to know that i wasn't going to be able to stop in time and we collided. on impact my airbag deployed and broke my left arm (wrist area) in half also dislocating it. i just remember screaming at the top of my lungs! 1) because it scared me 2) because i needed to know i was alive 3) because my arm HURT so bad! gracie was my first call and she got to me SOO fast! i remember just screaming because my arm felt so heavy!! and i remember telling gracie, i got you flowers. i really just wanted her to have the flowers, but her being there calmed me down so much! my mom and pj were in texas for softball so i called my dad and my nawna (that's my mom's best friend, my second mom). all i remember after gracie getting there was being in the ambulance with nawna on the way to jackson hospital for x-rays and surgery! the hospital was full of my friends and family before my ambulance even got there. i was overwhelmed with love and support from my friends and family and i am so thankful they were with me while my mom couldn't be.

i know that god did this to me for a reason. i know that it was god saying gracie needs you and the only way for that to happen is the accident. but i also know that it was god who had his arms around me every minute to ensure that i still had my life. and for that i am forever grateful! if it weren't for my accident, i wouldn't have been able to be there for my best friend when she needed me the most. we were starting one of the busiest shopping times of the year "back to school" and thanks to my arm being broken i wouldn't have to go in and could be with gracie. now that is god at work!

it has been six weeks since the scariest weekend of my life. it's still so crazy to think about, but not a day goes by where i don't think about gracie, ms susan, the way i felt, my arm, and so much more. i talk about it a lot, but i can't help it, it's a part of me. it always will be. over the past six weeks i have had to deal and learn to live with an external fixator in my arm. 4 pins and a bar that hold my wrist in place. it's been so hard! i already get so emotional and hate asking for help from anyone because i don't want to inconvenience them, i hate for people to stare at me like i have something wrong with me, i hate not feeling like myself. but just as soon as i start thinking about everything negative, god reminds me that i have SO much to be thankful for. i have life and friends and family! i learned to accept that there are things i can't do alone; cut my food, open packages for condiments (i learned about a week ago to use my teeth), open up bottles of gatorade or water (it spews all over me), tie my shoes, WRITE (i am left handed), etc. so many things i took for granted every other day of my life. i haven't felt like "me" in six weeks, i can't make my hair look as good as it used to, washing it is near impossible, i can't put my makeup on like i used to, and it just brings me to tears! but tomorrow that all changes, i get this thing off my arm and will be on the road to recovery but i will never forget what me got here! it's part of my life now and it's a memory i can't erase.

there is so much more to this story, little details that i appreciate so much; but i just needed to start somewhere small to write about what has been going on in my life and to get so much out there.

thank you to EVERYONE who sent get well soon wishes, to all the visitors i had, my family and friends! you all played such a huge part in this and i am forever grateful to everyone of you and couldn't have done it without you! i love each and everyone of you more than you know!! but most important thank you to god who has his arms around me everyday and shows me more love than i know what to do with! i can't imagine having lived through all this without him!!

and to gracie: i pray for you everyday! i pray for strength, hope, love, wisdom and much more for you! you will never know what it meant to me to be able to be there for you! you are my best friend and i miss you everyday!!!! love you bunches!!